Ohkay, hi.
So its me on my livejournal again.

Life is mundane as always.
Its the holidays and i'm wasting my time away.
Sometimes i feel so lost and i dont know what to do.
But maybe thats just me.

I wish i could say,
"Hey, at least i have you, right?"
But i cant find anyone to say that to.
I dont have the confidence in me anymore.
I'm not assured that everyone i know right now will say by me for long.
I feel as though they might just leave me any time.
Savour the sweet moments now,
Before they are gone.

I hate living as though you cant take anything for granted.
That sounds wrong but i dont know how i should rephrase that.
I dont like thinking that you have to cherish everyone because the might leave you any moment.
I hate thinking that people will leave me.
Get the drift?
Maybe not.

I want to cherish you but how am i supposed to do that when i'm not given a chance?
Why are we so insecure?

This never seemed so hard.
Its hard to maintain something that was never existant.

Well, now i'm just pissed with myself.
Why am i so stupid?
I knew i never should have believed a single word.
I cant believe how easily i trusted you,
And how you just took advantage of that.
Why am i so gullible?
I wanted to believe that at least you wouldn't play with me like that,
But i guess i was just making excuses for you.
Now i dont even know why.

It doesn't make sense to me anymore.
Nothing at all.

Tomorrow is going to be even worse of a day.
I'm soooooo excited for all hell to break loose
Sometimes i wonder if life is really as bad as i make it out to be.
Just chill everyone. 
 
Hallelujah Chance!

So, the exams were over a few days ago.
Yippee...
To be honest,
I dont feel as ecstatic as i thought i'd be.
Oh well.

I absolutely NEED to go to Forever21.
And a few other shops at Jurong Point.
All the shops are having sales and i've got some great bargains these past two days.
I'm so happy with my buys! :D

I hope Forever21 is having a sale,
Although i doubt thats even highly possible.
BUT OMGGGG!
I'm checking up on their online store and i know i HAVE to go see for myself.

I cancelled my plans to go to yanshan's house today.
Woke up really late and i was pretty tired from the past two days of shopping.
Decided to stay at home and catch up with the drama me and my mum are watching.
Two more episodes to go!

I think i'm becoming a shopaholic now.
I cant wait till the next weekend comes and i'm able to go shopping again!
Ugh, to think i still have band duties tomorrow,
If not i'd be able to go to Vivo.

I"m dreading Wednesday because i know what's coming.
BIG.TROUBLE.
And i'm not even joking.
I'm in deep shit.

Ohkay, i'm about to go eat dinner now.
Shut up.
I know its early.
But thats just the way my family works.
Hallelujah Chance!

So its the exam period and i'm updating.
Shoot me, but i dont really care.

Trying to read up on the whole geography syllabus in 4 hours is really not going to help.
I just have to pray for a manageable paper or tomorrow,
Or i can just screw my results over and under.
Someway or another,
I have to promote.
Thats the only thing i want from myself right now.
Underline MYSELF.

Amath was pretty badly done,
Oh well, i dont really care about that subject.
Bio was pretty ohhhhkay,
Although much of the MCQ questions were just plain confusing.
Hope i get at least 3/4 of them right.

The exams aren't even over yet and i'm already having plans.
I've got this whole page of items listed out which i just HAVE to buy after the exams.
Just to congratulate myself for being able to drag my feet through the horrible school year of 2009.
This is seriously, honestly, most truthfully, the worst school year i have ever experienced.
EVER.
And i cant believe its just going to get worse in 2010.
At least i have some things with me to keep all these off my mind for a while... :D

When something is said too many times,
It loses its meaning.

We should all pray together for a happy day.
God never grants me my wishes.
I want to go back to 2008 again.

I dont actually need all of that.
I just want more time.
That will keep me satisfied.

Weird thoughts are running through my mind again.
Been having a lot of dreams lately,
All of them similar.
I'm living a perfect life in my dreams.
Sometimes i wish i didnt have to wake up.
Ahh, life goes on.

I just want to hold onto whatever's left of us.
Is that too much to ask for?
Hallelujah Chance!

I want some candy.
No, not that kind of candy.
EYE CANDY :D

You're my personal drug candy.
LOL.

Yuni is random and feeling highhhhh today.
You're in luck,
Because she hardly feels that way anymore.
Its a happy happy thing. (:

Exams are coming,
I havent done a single shit,
BUT I DONT CARE!
Life is all about taking things in your own pace.
Who cares about what the world thinks.
I AM EPIC AND YOU KNOW IT!

Here's to the people who understand,
Here's to the people who try.
Here's to the people who care if i live or die.

It felt weird,
But i have to grow used to it.
I cant keep holding on to something i know cannot be true.
We'll make it through. :D

Updating statuses on Facebook is fun!
Its my primary source of entertainment.
Blogging is purely for random purposes.
And mapling is sooooo boring.
I miss those times when everything was fun,
Because i had my friends with me.

MOVEMOVEMOVE.
We cant keep going back.

Yuni is a strong girl.
Yuni is not your trash can.
I'm not here for you to use when you're in need,
And throw away when you're better off.
If thats what you're thinking,
Then you're oh-so-very-wrong.

I WILL FIGHT THE ODDS.
Hallelujah Chance!

My laptop is still down, so forget about the pictures.
Life never fails to throw me surprises.
Just when i thought i could finally rest it and let it die down,
It resurfaces and haunts me.
I have my own ideals and beliefs,
But my heart doesn't seem to follow.
Different things, different reactions,
And my heart is so unstable.
I dont know what to think anymore.
I'm waiting for something.
I just dont know what i'm expecting.
I'm waiting so bad it's making me scared,
But i'm not sure what i'm waiting for.
There are so many things i want,
And i'm so greedy,
But i cant help what my heart desires.
One minute i think that this is what i want,
But the other, i think maybe i could end up with better alternatives.
When will i stop hoping?
I'm investing into too many things at once,
And i know that one day,
I'll end up losing all of them at one go.
I'm just scared to give someone my all,
And its coming with serious consequences.
The things i invest,
They're progressing into something i didnt expect.
What do i do?

Laptop is still down.
Depressing, depressing.

Some new updates for the past week or so;
1. NEW PHONE! (Finally)
2. English oral examinations - OVER!
3. Birthday events
4. G-Force (which, i think, sucked)

So, the most amazing thing happened to me during the oral exam.
The instructor was laughing at my remarks throughout the whole process,
And at the end of it all,
She actually commented that i was a very interesting person.
IS THAT COOL OR COOL?!

Alex's birthday BBQ was better than expected.
BUT.
Mel's BBQ was just great. :D
You have to admit,
Pearl Harbour was a hard one. xD
Played many games,
Had fun,
Went home feeling satisfied.

Watched G-Force with Amanda and Allyson on my brother's birthday.
Didn't think it was all that great.
It was kind of...overdramatic?
I mean,
Whats with the killer electrical appliances?

Lies.
All lies.
Stop saying things i want to hear.
It just makes it all the harder.

Life doesn't seem to be worth living unless you find something worth living for.
And i dont think i've found mine yet,
So i'll continue feeling sorry for myself and being bloody moody til i find one :D

The grass is greener on the other side, they say.
But how would you know unless you've seen it?
Maybe its green because someone poured green paint over it or something :/
Its just an illusion you create.
The grass is just as green everywhere.

Why do you play these games?
But i cant blame you.

I'm still soo excited over my new phone.
But its fucking irritating how i cant create my own theme.
AND plus the fact that some of the themes i've downloaded doesn't seem to function on the phone.
"File corrupted"
Ahhh fuck it.

Nokia E71,
Here i come.
Hallelujah Chance!

Yes, you've guessed it.
The net connection on my laptop is still down,
So i wont be uploading any pictures for the next few days or so.

I think God gave us life to bring about change.
He gave us life,
And allowed us to find the meaning in our own lives.
He wants us to change the world in small ways.
He wants us to change, and experience change.
In ways, we've all turned into different people.
We've brought about our differences and made an impact on the people we meet.
We have, indeed, caused change.
Start from the small things,
Who knows, maybe you can change the world someday.

Its depressing to know that Yamapi has H1N1.
Sometimes i really doubt Karma.
Why dont good people receive blessings for the things they deserve?

Hope is something we should never give up on.
Even if you've given up on the world,
You still have to continue believing that your efforts will not be in vain.
Just believe, because believing is the beginning of everything.
Every great achievement came from the beliefs of ordinary men.

And now i'm off to do something more productive with my time.
Hallelujah Chance!

We all need a little motivation at some point in our lives.
We need something to spur us on,
Because all in all,
In between the things we do and the things we work hard for,
We've all lost our aims.
We're like empty shells,
Just doing things without really experiencing them,
And we hear that ever nagging voice at the back of our heads shouting at us.
What are we doing?
Why are we doing this?
We've all forgotton why we've started on this road.
Finding my motivation used to be a lost cause,
But now i've realised,
Your motivation comes from anything and everything.
The little things here and there,
The small philosophies that you believe in.
It could be the 7pm show every Saturday night that you're looking forward to.
It could be the Starbucks coffee you have every Wednesday during your lunch break.
It could be the flowers in your room that brighten up your every day.
Motivation comes from the tiny things that make you feel like,
Hey, maybe this isn't so bad after all.

When things aren't going well,
Just reflect on yourself.
What have you done about it?
Have you ever tried to solve the problem you're always whining about?
Why is it so important that you sort things out?

Just believe that there's always a way,
Because no matter what, life will still go on,
So just bring along that smile of yours and you wont even need the help of God.
You can create your own miracles and change your own fate.

Pardon the lack of Yamapi photos.
I would have posted it up if it weren't for the fact that the net connection on my laptop just crashed.
My dad's too fucked up to get it fixed for me too,
So i'll be stuck in this pathetic state for quite a while now.
You wouldn't mind not having his pictures around anyway :X

So, three hours of chemistry tomorrow.
One word; TORTURE!

Who else thinks its unfair for them to just pop up and tell us that our english oral exam is next monday?
I mean, hello?
Where's the prior warning?
Shouldn't they have told us weeks ago?
Shouldn't they have prepared us for this MONTHS ago?
Why start only now?
Its just making me all the more worried.
Screwwwwwwww this shit.

Did i mention?
SCREW THE BIOLOGY TEST.
It was so freaking hard,
And the diagrams were fucked up.
I mean, i couldn't even see the hell?!
Ohkay, i'm going to have to prepare for the physics test on friday.
All the best of luck to meeeeeee.
Us.

I.Am.Uber.Pissed.
Why cant you just try?
WHO ARE YOU TO SAY YOU'RE MY - - - - - -?!
You're no better than a stranger to me.

GAH.
I need something to cheeeeeeeer me up again.
And english remedials tomorrow is NOT doing any good.
Neither is the fact that i'm just bored to tears.
Hallelujah Chance!

So many happy things going through my mind, its puzzling.
Why did it make me so happy in the first place?

There's that little thing you call fate.

Staying back in school on teacher's day isn't the best way to spend it.
We ended up with the lamest cheer, too.
And seriously, how much more retarded can our group get?
Get ready for a longgggggggg Sunday.

Sometimes i wonder who actually reads my blog on a regular basis.
It'd be cool to have regulars around here.
I actually do visit blogs every two days or so.
Its just that there are hardly any updates.

And even though everyone in Singapore knows of this shop already,
I still cant help but advertise it.
DAISO. YOUR SOURCE FOR EVERTHING JAPANESE AT JUST 2 BUCKS.
Daiso is a miracle maker i tell you.
You can find almost any random japanese merchandise there,
At just an amazing 2 dollars!
THIS JUST UPS THE COOL FACTOR I TELL YOU!
There are a couple of things i worship,
And this is definitely one of them.
Did i mention they sell nice candy?

Life is weird.
It makes you think alot about the things you want.
So, i need a clear vision of my future.
I have my inspiration,
So just what am i waiting for?
Love and miracles.

I dont care how long it takes,
But i'm going to find him.
Somewhere out there in this world,
He's waiting for me too.

Why doesn't anyone believe in me sometimes?
Onwards to a new tomorrow.
Hallelujah Chance!

ITTAI!
Haha, how could anyone resist?!
You must be out of your minds.

Today's the day.
Tonight's the night.
I hope i'll be able to look forward to something after today.
This will be my turning point.

I think i really have changed.
I've stopped thinking about the sad things,
And focus only on the good.
Ahh, you've helped me tons.
I couldn't ever thank you enough.

My mind,
Which was pretty much in a mess up until a week ago,
Seems cleared out already.
I know what to do now.
Even though its not what i want,
Its what everyone needs.
So i've learnt how to achieve it.
And only after i've achieved this can i really do what i want.

You're inspiring!

The dance tires me out.
Now i know what Amanda means by that.
Her mum's nice.

WHO SAYS I CANT WEAR MY CONVERSE WITH MY DRESS?
I'll prove it to you.
Tonight.

Well, the end of yet another week has come.
How many weeks have gone by without me noticing it?
We're all growing older day by day.
We're all getting closer to death by the second.
With each tick of the second hand,
All of us age,
And its the things you do that make your life different from everyone else's.

Why is it that time always seems too long to me,
But too short for others?
Its such a weird thing, time.

YOSHI!
IKIMASU!
Hallelujah Chance!

Ahh, how i wish i could take it back,
Just take all of it back!
How embarassing that must have been.
YUNI TAN! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You're nuts.
PLEASE GOD,
Erase it from his memory.
Every single detail.
ALL OF IT!
I've done enough as it is.
I'm not worthy.

Its hard to imagine how he can even bring himself to talk to me after all THAT.
EMBARASSING!
And, is that true?
I didnt get a real answer from you.
I guess i'll never really know.

SCHOOL IS A CHORE.
It seems as if EVERYONE'S going to the ASEAN dance now that i start asking around.
I'm starting to feel nervous already.
And my mum is wayyyy more excited about it than i am.
Thats a first.

Good day, good day.
Just like any other day.
I must learn.
POSITIVE.
You can do it.
One day, you can be like him.

I think thats enough for the day.
Gotta go catch up on some unfinished business.
*hint hint*
Hallelujah Chance!

Well, it hasn't been too long,
But i thought i'd just come on and give you a little update before i hit the bed.

Life has taught me many things.
I think one of them is to just not think about tomorrow,
But think about the years to come.
I'm going to stop dwelling on how much i hate this world.
People generally hate things they dont understand,
So the next time we hate something,
We should try to understand it more,
And maybe we wont hate it as much.
We might even start to like it if things go well.

Yuni Tan you've got to learn.
Good things come to those who wait,
But better things come to those who grab at opportunities.
Dont just sit there and wait for good things to happen.
DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

Hallelujah Chance!

Its been so long ago since i've felt accepted.
But i think i'm soon growing numb to all these little things.
I dont want to lose the small things in life,
But i dont get the big picture.
I dont understand the reason for my existence.

We'll carry on.
That gives me strength.
It makes me feel like they understand,
It helps me to believe that as long as i continue on,
I'll get to the highest point in my life.
That as long as i wait,
Good things will come.

I need to regain my spirit.
I want to be able to look forward to something again.
It sucks not having something to count your days down to.
Its like driving on a long, endless road without any clue when you're going to reach your destination.

It hurts just to have to live past each day.
They say we have to work hard to get to what we aspire to be,
But what if there is nothing we want?

Why is it that i always talk about unpleasant things?
Believe!
Believe in the day that your life will reach the end of the tunnel.
And its with that hope that you are able to live on.

After a long debate with myself,
I've finally decided to attend the ASEAN dance,
If only to get a little insight.
Maybe i'll get some sort of inspiration for something big.
Or maybe i'll have a crappy time and come home in a worse mood than i already was in setting off.
Oh well,
We'll all know when the time comes.
I'm half dreading it,
But somehow, i'm kind of looking forward to having a great time.
I think thats what i truly want to believe in.

Another week is about to come to an end,
And i wonder if i'm starting to get used to feeling lost.
To feel like everything is so out of reach,
That i'll never get past this stage.

We just have to believe that tomorrow will be a good day for all of us.
And maybe God wont be too busy to answer to our prayers.
Hallelujah Chance!

Finally in a good mood after a long while.
But that doesn't mean i like school any better.

If only i was there in Tokyo and Osaka for the famous SUMMERSONIC!
MCR's show must have been awesome.
This is Frank during the ProjektRevolution tour.
Cant imagine seeing him in person.
Saying that its a dream come true would be a major understatement.

Life's not going great.
What's there to say?
I'm craving Mcbreakfast hotcakes.
Yummmm~

Sometimes there are so many things going through my mind at once,
I dont even know what i'm thinking about anymore.
Weird feeling, dont you agree?

THERE'S NOTHING TO LOOK FORWARD TO!
Scratch that,
At least there are the Buzzer Beat episodes.
I think without them,
I'd really go insane.

What's there to live for when you no longer have anything to look forward to?
Life just becomes a chore.
It already IS a chore.
Well, for people like me anyways.

I envy those who treasure their life,
Because their lives are worth treasuring.
Hallelujah Chance!

If i could die,
I would already have died.
And i do mean it.

I think you should just fuck off.
If you think you're so great,
Why dont you try it?
Fuck all of this shit.

Nothing's worth it right now.
Really, nothing.
School should not have existed in the very first place.
Its just a place where your life gets all the more miserable.
It makes you lose all your motivation and hope.
FUCK YOU.
If only this was enough to appease my anger.
If only i was brave enough to end everything.
God, give me the courage to end it all.

DONT WAKE UP TOMORROW.
Its not worth it.
Even if you face the day with a smile,
The society forces your smile to go the wrong way.
Those who are truly happy,
Are those suffering from mental diseases.
And i wouldn't even call that suffering.
It might actually be a good thing,
Looking at the world with a different,
Totally innocent perspective.
It IS a good thing after all.
Make me go crazy tomorrow.
Make me die tomorrow.
Please, i'm begging you.
Dont make me wake up.
I wish with all my heart for an apocalypse.
I wish with all my heart that my life would miraculously come to a stop when the clock strikes midnight,
When i'm sound asleep.
If only i could escape as easily as that.

PLEASE, DONT WAKE UP.

I'm scared.
I ran away.
I've lost to myself.
I'm just a coward.
The world,
There's nothing in it worth living for.

There really is no more meaning in anything anymore.
We're all just living because we have to.
I want to escape,
But i'm a coward.
I want to run,
But there isn't anywhere for me to go to.

And its not like anybody would understand,
Because i hate people bugging into my business.
I wouldn't ever show you my weak side.
I wouldn't ever show you how ugly i am.
You'll never know.
And i hate it when people try.
Just leave me alone will you?

Whats the world coming to?!